America Stinks

How the U S of A did in sports...the last thing we can actually brag we are better than everybody at:


Football (Soccer to American Gringos): Overhyped and stunk at World Cup.

Baseball: Lost to Canada. Only managed to beat up a bunch of South Africans who were taught the game via Powerpoint slides 2 hours before the game.

Basketball: Just lost to Greece. No NBA players on the Greek roster.

Hockey: Sorry, we don't get OLN.

Tennis: Ferderer/Nadal. Andy Roddick is a douchebag who chokes when his sponsors spend big to promote him (see: Nike, American Express). There's hope for James Blake the Connecticut boy who manages to have a girlfriend prettier than he. And my lady friends tell me Mr. Blake is a very pretty man.

Wiffleball: The team that won the 2006 MLWM championship has Cometa on it. As if you don't know already, Cometa is Canadian.

Boxing: None of the thousands of Heavyweight Title belts are around the waists of Americans. Not one. I'm actually waiting to see that new Rocky movie just cuz that might the only way an American will win.

Cycling: Needs drugs to win.



Edit: Cooper says that we won the Little League World Series. True, but we also lost the hotdog eating contest again to Japan. For America to lose in an eating contest is so bad, we'd need to win 5 straight LLWS to balance out.