Completely Non-Wiffleball Stuff

Since there's really no news, just something to browse while you are around...


- Always wanted to have a shirt that says "World's Hottest Grandma"? Now it can be yours for less than $8 shipped! I'm wearing mine to IHOP in hopes it might score me a senior's discount and to proclaim my hottness.

- I'm looking to confirm this myself. I know for a fact I got an IKEA catalog around my house somewhere. If I can't find it, I'm willing to drive to New Haven to score another one. This has got Tyler Durden's fingerprints all over it.

- If you look closely at our Bluefish group picture from last year, you'll see something that'll scar you for life.

- It's gonna be kinda awkward with your brother's wife at the family get-togethers...

- Free year of Sporting News. Make everything up except your mailing address.

Playoffs Pics And Recap

People were wondering if I was lying about putting the pics up. No, I did not lie, the pics are up. It's just that it's on our Flickr page, with all our other pics. I didn't feel like posting pics here again and making fun of people as they bend over.

Also, Tom did a little playoffs recap on his employer's time for us. The boy risked getting fired to pull that together, so run and look at it now!

And last but not least, the website will go under for a facelift in the coming months as Blogger gets more features. It may look a bit different. It may have racing stripes, so it might be a little faster.

Playoffs Pics Up Soon

I woke up at 6am, ate some eggs from free range hens and did my squats and lunges to firm up the buttocks. Them I did my 3 mile and got my daily wiffleball long tosses in.

It's about 8:20am now, uploading the pics and they should be up within the day. Check back throughout the day for them. In the mean time, I suggest you yourself do some squats and lunges too. It did wonders for me.

You've Been Put On Notice

In Case You Missed It...

Here is a rundown of the 2006 MLWM Awards.


MLWM Champions: 'Sweet Pea' Johnston, 'Senor' Cadigan, 'Ghostface' Kaltsas, and 'Hot Sauce' Cometa


Playoff MVP: 'Ghostface' Kaltsas


Regular Season MVP: 'AVG Joe' Janik


Brent Remetta Award: 'AVG Joe' Janik


Fireman of the Year: 'Hot Sauce' Cometa


Rookie of the Year: 'General T' Hoggatt


Gold Glove: 'Crash' Pasco


Gold Glove: 'Sweet Pea' Johnston


All Star MVP: 'Sweet Pea' Johnston

They Play to Win Orange Championship T-Shirts

The 3rd Annual Major League Wiffleball of Milford Playoffs take place this Sunday, August 20, 2006 at Meadowside Field. The games begin promptly at 1:00 p.m. but feel free to show up early to strategize with your team and help set things up. Also, please stick around until after the championship game for the presentation of the highly coveted orange championship t-shirts, the MLWM Championship Trophy, and all of the season's other awards (MVP, Rookie of the Year, etc.).

I know all of you are anxious with anticipation, but while you wait, here are a few of the top story lines heading into this year's playoffs:

1: The Weather - Is it possible that for a third straight season the MLWM playoffs will get rained on? My most recent check of weather.com indicates that it may rain yet again. The forecast calls for some scattered thunderstorms and I can't imagine these storms would dare miss the playoffs. Truthfully though, who really cares? Everyone should know that we are likely going to play anyway.

2: Can you say Three-peat? - I can't, but two of the leagues members like to think they have a chance at it. "Just Tom" Cadigan and "Sweet Pea" Johnston both enter this year's playoffs in search of their third title. This year things are a little different though, as the two players are on different teams for the first time in playoff history. I've heard rumors that there were some tears shed about this, but just imagine if their respective teams were to meet in the finals and the battle for the three-peat ensued, it would be the type of classic wiffleball that makes girls scream.

3: Speaking of Girls - Will this be the year that one of the league's female member's breaks through and becomes the first female to be on a playoff team that wins a game? This year's female players consist of league matriarch "Red Rocket" Williams and the talented rookie "Big Bruiser" Rosa. Both of these ladies had very solid years and look to finish it off with a share of the 2006 MLWM Championship. The only problem is that the girls find themselves on the lower seeded C (Williams) and D (Rosa) teams which doesn't help their cause much.

4: Seeking Parity - This year's version of the C and D teams look to become the first underdogs to win a playoff game in MLWM history. Each year, it seems like one of the 'dogs puts up a fight, only to fall short in the end. Last year, "Hot Sauce" Cometa nearly beat the A team without much help from his team. This time, "Hot Sauce" will be the one looking to avoid the upset as he moves up to the B team. All it takes is one good pitching performance or clutch hit and the underdog could spoil the dream matchup between the A and B teams in the title game.

5: Team Turmoil - Team turmoil usually doesn't occur much during the MLWM regular season as there are different teams every game and the stakes are not nearly as high. The playoffs are a completely different animal, with predetermined teams and the stakes being so high, turmoil can often show its ugly head. In the 2005 playoffs, it was "AVG Joe" Janik and "Top 8" Figueroa getting into it after their defeat in the championship game. This year's feud has begun before anyone even takes the field. Janik and "Boom Boom" Cooper were seen squabbling in the bleachers at Fenway Park late on Friday night about who should pitch and what the batting order should be for the A team as on-lookers stared and wondered what all the yelling was about. It remains to be seen whether the two rivals with the longest history in the league were able to patch things up or if the bad blood will cost them on Sunday.

Everything culminates on Sunday with the following match up's:

A Team (Cadigan Jr., Cooper, Hoggatt, Janik) vs. D Team (Keeler, Rosa, K. Lam, Sabol)

B Team (Cadigan Sr., Johnston, Kaltsas, Cometa) vs. C Team (Williams, O. Lam, Freire, Pasco)

The Championship will pit the winners against each other for the orange shirts, sweet trophy, and a full off-season of bragging rights.

Notes:
-Everyone should bring a new wiffleball to the playoffs if possible.
-Attempt to be there on time (we play at 1 p.m.)
-Don't be a baby and not show because you don't like your seeding
-Do not disown your friends or relatives for knocking you out of the playoffs

Best Part Of Day

Johnny Bucket running cowardly away from General T, only to trip over himself and tumble onto the ground. The girlish cackle you hear in the background is yours truly.



-redfoot

A League of Their Own

Once upon a time when wiffleball ruled the earth and woman were slaves, us males were the superstars of the MLWM. But time has moved along and as time passed so came along this change in the league. The number of female players are on the rise. They are sprouting like little weeds in a garden and they are making noise in the MLWM. They stick together like a pack of wolves waiting to attack their prey (male MLWM superstars). The leader of the pack, goes by the name Big Bruiser and has attacked Walkman on several occasions and warns others that the females are taking over the league and anyone can be a victim. The MLWM is in the middle of a battle of the sexes and everyone is looking over their shoulder on the field, like a calm before the storm, that silence before the front lines attack, waiting til one makes a move. If the females are smart they will wait til the ratio is in their favor before they make their move, if the males are smart they will start wearing cups to the games.

p.s. Rumor has it that the females are on Human Growth Hormone (HGH) which would explain why Bruiser's bat has gotten bigger than it used to be. Female Home Run totals do support this rumor.

p.p.s. I also heard a rumor that Bruiser said if you dont bring a brand new wiffleball to the playoffs they are gonna have to answer to her, I would do what she says or you may end up looking like http://artletics.com/images/boxing_vp_marciano_walcott_pv.jpg

p.p.p.s. Someone needs to show me how to abbreviate the hyperlinks in blogger.

- JUST TOM

THREE-PEAT!!!

BREAKING NEWS - 'Senor' Cadigan, 'Sweet Pea' Johnston', 'Ghostface' Kaltsas, and 'Hot Sauce' Cometa (The B team) have won the 2006 Major League Wiffleball of Milford Championship. This is the second year in a row where The B Team defeated the A Team in the championship game. This is also Johnstons third MLWM Championship. Kaltsas was named playoff MVP. In round 1, the C Team made up of 'Crash' Pasco, 'Bucket' Freire, 'Red Rocket' Williams and 'Walkman' Lam fell one run short to the B Team due to a costly error by Pasco. The B Team than went on to defeat the top seeded A Team of 'Just Tom' Cadigan, 'AVG Joe' Janik, 'Boom Boom' Cooper and 'General T' Hoggatt by a margin of 4 runs. The A Team came back from a 2 run deficit to defeat The D Team which consisted of 'Big Bruiser' Rosa, 'Helen' Keeler, 'Redfoot Lam' and 'The Duke' Sabol. There will be more playoff news to come (such as box scores, pics, etc) in the near future. Congratulations to The B Team!!

Redfoot Playoff Notes

Final 2006 stats are done and up...


- If you go by the RPI seeds, the playoff teams broke down as:
Team A: 1/2/6/7
Team B: 3/4/5/8
Team C: 10/12/14/15
Team D: 9/11/13/16

- Since last year's SumCoopdigans pre-playoffs week-long practices caused all the controversies (you just ain't suppose to practice wiffleball), what's gonna happen this year? The Cadigans are split on different teams, will Junior get the boot out of the house?

- I was thisclose to being in the Top8 and all I had to do was to press send on the phone and I'd be bragging bout it to Carlos like that. In fact, while I was doing the final week's stats, I was in the Top8 after the batting numbers were done. Then I saw then Jorge got lit up and thought it'll be smooth sailing. But due to some fuzzy math plus Joe and Cooper having mighty, mighty fine pitching numbers the last week, my ERA rankings got pushed down and I'm out of the Top8 by a quarter point. I was behind Cometa not because of him but because of some other guys had good weeks. Damn the stupid RPI system.




Just to see if this works, it should be a map below...as if y'all don't know where Meadowside is by now.

2006 Playoff Teams and brief preview

This Sunday, August 20th, is the holiest among holy days for the MLWM: the playoffs. If you add up Christmas, Kwanzaa, Ramadan and Arbor Day you will only get a small portion of what this day means. Its what we all play for. Its what we all yearn for. Its what some of us base our calendar year on.

‘Just Tom’ Cadigan and Jim ‘Boom Boom’ Cooper, both members of the 2005 MLWM Champions, are looking forward to bringing home another championship together. ‘Just Tom’, 2004 Rookie of the Year and 2004 Champion, has never lost in a playoff game. Cooper always picks up the slack in the second half of the season and peaks right around playoff time. ‘AVG Joe’ Janik provides a powerful lefty bat and couldn’t shut up all year about winning the championship. Rookie sensation ‘General T’ Hoggatt is salivating on being a champion his first year. Hoggatt gives the A Team a good arm, a great bat, and impeccable defense.

The B Team reunites two of last years champions as well. ‘Senor’ Cadigan and ‘Sweet Pea’ Johnston will once again be teammates. There is no batter feared more than Cadigan. There are balls that he has hit that have yet to land. No one is better during playoff time that Johnston. He has won playoff MVP the last two seasons. Also, like ‘Just Tom’, Johnston has never lost a playoff game. 2005 regular season MVP ‘Ghostface’ Kaltsas, who has been nothing but hot the last three weeks, will add a reliable bat to the already powerful lineup. Throw in 2004 Fireman Award recipient ‘Hot Sauce’ Cometa (who had the lowest ERA in‘06) and you get one heck of a playoff team.

If there is going to be an upset in the first round, it may very well be caused by the C Team. ‘Walkman’ Lam has a ridiculous OBP and won the Fireman Award in 2005. Lam could still pitch well, but has not been as reliable like the last two seasons. ‘Crash’ Pasco provides a big bat and great hands in the outfield. This will be Johnny ’Bucket’ Freires first play off appearance. ’Bucket’ is a switch hitter and has power from both sides of the plate. He is also very good at yelling gibberish and distracting the other team. ‘Red Rocket’ Williams will make cookies and clean up after the team.

And what could we say about the D Team? ‘Redfoot‘ Lam, ‘Big Bruiser’ Rosa, ‘The Duke’ Sabol and ‘Helen’ Keeler.

So, there you have it. This years playoff teams. Who will win it all and go down in Milford history as being the third team to win the Championship ever? We’ll find out on Sunday.

Televised Wiffleball?

Clay Travis, SPiN Magazine Columnist, is obviously the coolest person since John Buckets. In his latest colum, http://cbs.sportsline.com/spin/story/9596575, he pleas for televised wiffleball games. This makes sense. Dont you think that a wiffleball game would get higher ratings than anything televised by the WNBA, LPGA, and womens tennis? I mean, if people are out there still watching the Kansas City Royals, New York Knicks and Joey, than there would be people tuning into wiffleball games.

2006 MLWM Fantasy Football Discussion

I just want to get this rolling. Here's what we have so far and the different options we have:



Commissioner: I'd prefer not to be, but I'll be Tagliabue if other people want me to. Otherwise, figure something out. Time's a wasting.

Buyin: I've heard anywhere from $5-$75. We might even put the pot into a money market account or a CD and earn interest in the 3-4 months and grow the pot bigger to divy up in the end. It's all bout the Hamiltons, baby!

Payout: Top 4 paying (% of pot) 50/25/15/10? This way, the two teams with byes (top 2 teams in regular season) are guaranteed to be in the money. So bad luck and matchup in the playoffs ain't gonna mean losing money despite posting a top record.

Signup: People are gonna be told of the password either in person or through email after signing a pledge not to divulge said password to third parties. We CANNOT let some douchebag steal our password and make a dead team in our league again. If I'm the commissioner, I'll do whatever's necessary to protect the sanctity of our fantasy leagues. And if need be, I'll shank someone if it comes to that.

Draft Date/Time: Mon Aug 21, 11pm. All the other night times are gone. Most are like 11:30p or later. Somebody said Mondays are no go. We can do more or less any night as long as you don't mind 11:30p and 11:45 start of draft times.

#Teams: 12. Unless we get a rush of entrants then we might up to 14.

In: (9 people)
Sweet Pea
Boom Boom
AVG Joe*
Redfoot**
Just Tom
Walker
Crash
Helen
Ghostface

Bubble: (3 people)
Chone Egan (has said he'll play anywhere up to $75 and swears he'll remember password this time)
Helen's brother (i'm guessing he's an alternate since i remember back in the days he didnt check his teams after week 5)
Bucket o Soup (the familiarity, hatred, and rivalry is there)
General T (dont know if he plays)
The Raptor (dont know if he plays)

Out: (3 people)
Cometa (he's canadian)
Johnny Bucket (he'll be disruptive and curse at people)
The womenfolks (they don't understand)
BALCO (in Jersey. dead team by week3)
Romick (dead team by week4, only to be told to change his roster at week13 so he'd beat me to help some other guy make the playoffs)

Trade Review: 1 Day

Trade Deadline: Last possible day available

Roster Size: 15 is default, we can do 16 or 17

Active Offense Slots: QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, RB/WR, TE, K...

Active Defense Slots: We can do Team Defense or Individual players or both.

Scoring: Same as last year's. Though we can even out the RB and WR scoring differences a bit so RB can't dominate the league again. We can give receptions either 1/2 pt or 1pt each.


This might not even be complete but since it's gonna be hard for everyone to sit down and talk about this, this will have to do for now. Marinate on this. And by all means comment away. We should really get a good draft time and day locked up before all the good ones are gone.

EDIT #1: I didn't know Keeler did a league already. Also, unless you have an account, your comments need to be approved. So don't worry if you don't see your idea up here instantly. Keep suggestions coming.

EDIT #2: Jeanne, I think your comment is just absolutely precious and adorable; I could just see you throwing your little fists up and down and kicking the ground because the boys won't let you play with them. I wish that there's just some video out there that captures your frustration right now...

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But seriously, your comment proves my point that womenfolks don't understand. Fantasy football has nothing to do with real football. It's a game for dorks and geeks like me to play and pretend we might have a chance at athletic glory. If you break it down and analyze it, this is probably the closest thing to grown men playing with dolls. We draft players, we trade players, and if we don't like one of our players, we cut him. It's just like back in my doll playing days a couple months ago. But hey, if you wanna join, be my guest. For all we know you'll probably still kick our asses.

EDIT #3: This is on our wiffleball site because this is one of our "Out of the Park®" events. It keeps our comraderie going during the winter months when we are all spread across the Carribean playing winter wiffleball.




*2005 Champ
**2005 2nd Place

Worship This List!

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060809&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab4pos1

Read it and live by it. It is a great list other than the whole yankees not making the playoffs. Admit it baseball fans, you need the yankees to be great just as much as college football needs Notre Dame to be great, just to keep the love/hate relationship alive. We all need it.

Just Tom Named To Wiffleboard

After a long search for a replacement for Redfoot on the Wiffleboard, the League Office have officially announced that Just Tom Cadigan has been appointed. The appointment was actually known within the League Office since around early June when the decision was made. However, a proper announcement was held off until the All-Star Game and the Bluefish game was done.

The search for a new Wiffleboard member was a long and comprehensive process that began with a list of preliminary candidates. This reporter has found that the list contained six names: Miss Marcea "Red Rocket" Williams, Mr. James "The Raptor" Bresnan, Mr. Cadigan, Jr., Miss "Big Bruiser" Rosa, Mr. Greg "Crash" Pasco, and Mr. William Jonathan Drayton, Jr. aka Flavor Flav.

Immediately, the two female candidates were eliminated from the running due to a board members' absolute objection to having a woman on the board. The quote was: ...[T]he only place for a women is in the kitchen...[women] have no business on the Wiffleboard...

Although transcripts of Wiffleboard meetings are classified, it has been confirmed through multiple sources that the unnamed Wiffleboard member was Jim "Boom Boom" Cooper.

There were numerous meetings at the MLWM HQ especially dedicated to the Wiffleboard nominations. Candidates were judged on dedication, seniority, skillz, leaping ability, dancing ability; and last but not least, a swimsuit competition. Also, there were tests of will which included The Leap of Faith, Crossing The Desert, The Unblinking Eye, and The Paddle of the Swollen Ass...With Paddles. Furthermore there was a MLWM trivia game that helped determine a winner. A clip of that trivia game:



The next two to be eliminated were Mr. Pasco and Flavor Flav. Although he would have been a great addition to our league, Mr. Flav never did replied to our repeated requests to appear. And I have been told that Mr. Pasco failed the MLWM trivia test.

And that left Mr. Bresnan and Mr. Cadigan. The Board drew up a T-diagram and began to list the things each gentleman would bring to the table. At the end, Mr. Bresnan won 8-2.

However, Mr. Bresnan was missing in action for a month after the Board made its decision. Numerous attempts to contact Mr. Bresnan through his BFF Mr. "Bucket" Freire failed. Since the league cannot function without a complete board of directors, Mr. Cadigan, Jr. was elected to the post by default.

With the post, Mr. Cadigan, Jr. gains the use of the MLWM HQ with his own key plus access to the Wifflechopper, the Wifflemobile, and the Wiffleyoyo.

Next Game: Sunday Aug 6, 1p @ Meadowside

Get there early and try our new treadmills.

Kibble and Bits

- Allegedly, Cooper has been spending way too much time (at work) hanging out here.

- E-Rod's fragrance will not spray because it chokes.

- This is not my list. Nor do I think it is a complete list. But I think it provides a good base to build on.

- Ever wanted to contact us @ the MLWM but email takes just too damn long? You can now instant message us (well, me, unless the others want their own thingies) with the Meebo thingie on the right side of the site. I'm sure this new development has just improved your quality of life dramatically. I'll be hosting the first official online chat this coming Monday @ 9:40p. Drop a hi if you round the block.

- Tell me I'm not the only one who watched the our girls play in the world softball championship a couple weeks back. I don't know bout you but my house has been broken into and my heart has been stolen. There's Alicia, Tairia, Cat, and last but not least, Crystl. Baby, you don't need no stinking vowels in your name cuz you more than fine witout em. If not for the fact that I just charged 6 treadmillls on my Amex, I'd so be buying me some softball jerseys.

- Apparently the real MySpace page for NBA baller Mo Peterson. [via The Mighty MJD]

- Just for the record, Gnarls Barkley didn't "friend" us on MySpace. But Pam from the Office did. I'm still gonna play and dance with a Mr. Met action figure to Smiley Faces but I ain't gonna enjoy it.

- What the hell do you kids call it anyways? Is it "friending"?

- The guy that shot me in the balls with a paintball guy dated the older sister of the girl that beat my brother up. Small freaking world.

- Speaking of which, why are we stuck with the smellier sister who beats up boys when it seems like we all like the other sister better? From what I hear, Cooper knows her. Yeah, it's italicized. And Joe was wearing her shorts!

- For Joe, Danielson is playing Aug 21st(?) in New Haven(?) for free(?). I thought I read that somewhere, but I'm only like 17% sure.

- I've never read the books nor seen the movies. I'm not hairy or a potter. But these guys seem swell in my book.

- Forget George's pants, check out Chris Cooley's Dangle shorts. If George puts those on, I'm quitting the league.

- This video only makes complete sense on every level (the rant, the man in bra, the man in cutoff jean shorts, the man lacking underwear, etc...) if you watched Arrested Development. And to have watched is to love. I would quit pudding if it is un-cancelled. And you are hearing this from a man who loves his pudding. Don't know what I'm talking about? Head down to your area Video Hutand ask your friendly video clerk what the Rock is cooking.



- One last thing, props to Kyle for showing at the Bluefish game. The man, from what I understand, either skipped his exam or got out early just for our game in Bridgeport. That's dedication!

- Kids, stay in school. And does the Cat Girl have a permit to be at Meadowside?

They Did That In One Freaking Shot

You know how babies, when they get all excited, they get all spazzed out while throwing their clenched fists up and down? It's probably because they can't express happiness with words or something. Anyways, I was like that after I saw this. And yeah, I just bought six treadmills online.



And yes, I know they danced in their last video too.
[via Stereogum]

Next Game: Tuesday Aug. 1 @ 6pm (Meadowside/JFK)

Week 12: Join us for Super Tuesday for Wiffleball in the heat. Game time is at 6pm at Meadowside. If there are thugs (lil' league) then go to JFK.

Sunday was the last day to pay for your shirt on time. Get your $18 to me by tuesday. After tuesday, there will be a $5 late fee. Avoid this hassle and get that money to me. I think there are only a couple people, but I know who you are.